thinkalike

Hitting the nerve

2011-07-29T08:49:00.000+08:00

...again, and again.

When I'm helping around in the house, she nags. When I don't, she nags. Her voice flits, from one end of the house to the other, like a restless lizard. Soft, loud, loud [bang bang], soft. I'm pretty sure even our neighbours outside can hear, her voice pierces the morning drone of cars and the drip drip of the last of this mornings' rain draining away.

Sigh.

It's one of those die if you do, die of you don't kind of situations.

A little faith

2011-07-27T21:27:00.000+08:00

It has been too long since I had the liberty of penning my thoughts.

I think, people (myself included) have a tendency to be wishful. I wish I had more liberty to go out. I wish I had more money to spend. I wish I lived closer to my friends in PJ, etc. And yet, I must always remind myself that humans by our nature and whim of creation, always desire for more. We are greedy. We are hardly ever satisfied.

...and yet, I still really wish... I could learn to worship God among comrades. I wish I was allowed to, and I also wish that I was brave enough.

But in the Lord you must have faith dear child. All will be well.

Mom

2010-11-04T19:54:00.000+08:00

Dad, how come I don't look like mom?

Why?

Because mom's pretty.

You don't look like your mom. Andy and Andrew do.

So how come I don't look like mom?

Well, that's because daughter's are supposed to look like their fathers'

I hate goodbyes

2010-09-22T23:43:00.001+08:00

We will always wish we could have slept over tonight. Amirah is leaving for Leicester on Tuesday morning, and neither Vi-Jean or me can send her off.

This sucks.

We mostly just chatted. I arrived first, bringing my work along, tired after having only 3 hours of sleep the previous night. Then Vi-Jean braves the traffic jam and arrives much later than expected, smelling of sweat and emo-ness. This blog will now serve to record our first big separation after 12 years together.

I don't remember how we first met. I only know that Vi-Jean and Amirah were friends first, then I came in pretty soon after. We were in the same class for all 6 primary school years;

Remember
The ting ting in front of 1C
Galah panjang on the tarmac
Pretending there were ghosts in school

Fooling around with broomsticks,
dustpans, feather dusters
So we could pretend to be rockstars

Just for kicks'.

Look at how far we've come,
And how much we've changed.
How much closer we are...
And will be.

I love you guys <3

it must be a guy thing

2010-08-22T20:02:00.000+08:00

My guy friends are cool, but often super sarcastic. Sometimes, it's not hard to feel slightly ostracized. It's also a little hard to tell if chivalry is out of obligation or if it's genuine.

I hope it's the latter.

My girl friends aren't here to hug me now...

2010-08-07T19:25:00.000+08:00

I hate my dad sometimes, but I love him all the time.

I just don't show it very well.

G'day mate.

2010-08-01T22:50:00.000+08:00

First day of uni tomorrow. Hello Architecture, come, take over my life.

I'm all yours.

I'm a blue tray.

2010-07-16T01:54:00.003+08:00

While at work at Kumon yesterday, this young boy, probably 5, comes up to hand in his classwork for me to mark. His sister whispers to him, trying to get him to put his Progress Book and work in the blue tray below the green tray. It's like an In box and Out box.

Later, his teacher comes up to him, and says, "I told you to put your work in the blue tray, not to give it to the teacher..."

Great, I'm a blue tray.

My marking partner burst out laughing.

Night Driving. mmm

2010-07-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

On my way back from work tonight, I accidently took a left turning after Muzium Negara heading back from work, and ended up at Sungei Besi highway before turning into 'Cheras' and then heading back. Back home, my dad tells me that I should have just kept straight until before a flyover, then turn left, onto Sungei Besi. I am so confused now.

Second hand bookstores rock my world.

2010-07-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

Today, I learnt from my mom that dengue can damage your liver...

Like it did to hers.

On another note, I finished the novel 'Place Last Seen' today. The Down syndrome kid they've been looking for died. Of course I expected her to, but it was a little shocking, especially when they found the body later. I love the language and style that Freeman uses to encapsulate the moments of grief and anguish, and the moments of hope spaced in between. It's powerful without being tacky. No big words that you have to look in the dictionary for.

Recommended.

Oh, I must go back to that second hand bookstore at Ampang Point where I got this treasure. I think it was about 4 years ago, but I'm sure it's still there bearing the name of Pay Less Books. :D

Place Last Seen

2010-07-07T11:06:00.000+08:00

When did we start expecting that life wasn't going to be hard?

And maybe when we start doing that, life wouldn't seem so bad and difficult after all. Ironic isn't it? Reading this book about a missing Down Syndrome girl makes me a little tetchy, a little nervous. Like the mother who refuses to keep out of the way of the searches, intent in her conviction that she can somehow 'feel' her daughter.

I think she's going to lose this one.

I also wonder what it's like to lose a kid...

How to get your parents' to buy you a car

2010-07-02T18:18:00.000+08:00

1. State the urgency of your need. For me it was having my uni far from home, and if I get my car this week, I'll have 2 weeks to practice driving, and to get used to it. If I get it by next week, I'll only have a week to practice. The week before my uni starts, I'll be in Shanghai, China.

2. If Step 1 fails, or generates a lukewarm response like, 'There's no rush...' then put forth an ultimatum. Mine was, 'If I don't get a car by Sunday next week, I'll use my RM XX and get myself a junk car.' Make sure you are ready to carry out this threat.

My dad ordered my mom to CarWorld along Jalan Ampang the very same day ie. today. This beautiful black MyVi now has a booking fee of RM1000 in my name.

But hey, there are lots of things to bring and remember before you decide to buy a car! Yeah, I just realised that. Sigh, turns out, I won't even get my car for about 10 working days. But that's another little story.

The most boring video on youtube

2010-06-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

leen. says:
wanna see the most boring video on youtube?

he says:

no...
haha
i'm watching mean girls..

Because bridges collapsing due to resonance are so rare these days...

home

2010-06-24T00:54:00.000+08:00

'Sakiiittttttt sakittttttt!'

If I didn't know that she was in actual pain, I'd hate the Indian lady for disrupting the peace in the hospital. My moms' and mine, to be exact.

Motorcycle accident. Sigh...

We really need to move out of this place, but we can't. I guess I'll just spend more time in Taylor's then. I think I'll even live there during my final year.

If I get dengue again, I could die.

Un-emo-ness

2010-06-20T21:28:00.000+08:00

Today, I realised that emo blogs get lots of followers.

I haven't written a truly emo post in ages... Even my layout screams un-emoness. I still love my layout, even if no one actually does read whatever sporadic things I decide to put up here.

Besides, I'm at a rather good point in my life now. Or am I? An alternative way of looking at it would be that I've grown so accustomed to the bad things, that I've become jaded. Either way, I'm finally getting to study the degree I've dreamed of for the past 3 years, at the risk of miscarriage, cancer, depression, and eating and sleep disorders no doubt, but I don't care. There is this huge pylon next to Taylor's. The management is an ass. A big cellulite-filled ass. Oh well.

Other than that, I'm still in touch with my ex-schoolmates, which is awesome. I hope we will always stay that way. And someday the certain threesome will realise my moms dream of us going to each other's weddings. Let's face it. We all want to get married. Such predictable suckers we are.

I love the people I met at HELP, what a sexy, weird, and lame bunch you all are! I'm sorry I can't go to Redang. I'm trying to die faster, haha.

My family is awesome because it's dysfunctional. Like today, my dad and I went to my aunts' house, which is under renovation, to pick the paint colours.

Aunt: Haiya, just put the wall olive again la.

Cousin (from upstairs): No more olive!!

May (cousins' girlfriend): Your cousin can be so boring sometimes.

Me: No comment.

My boyfriend is my best friend.

I'm going to church almost every Sunday. haha.

My prom dress is awesome (to me at least), and my date wanted to wear a pink tux. Enough said.

I'm going to Shanghai to chill and see my first nephew from the 17th-24th July...

Life is good.

Now, if only I can survive my exam and get AT LEAST 3B's!

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-19T23:04:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, to love your children, you must allow them to hate you.

RAWR

2010-06-12T23:40:00.001+08:00

It's an Aileen thing. :)

Sayangs

2010-05-20T13:48:00.000+08:00

I needs to be in Redangs NOW. Gosh, now I feel like I'm spewing words from Jane.

I want to snorkel

And indulge in my new pretty pastels. The only thing I've drawn so far is still the FISH. And an outline of something else.

And bury Jo, or sacrifice him into the fire.

And dig a large hole.

And built a fort with Su.

And burn sacrificial marshmellows.

Play Jo xD

And stuff........ :(

Rambutan and white wine go very well together. I don't mind bringing a bottle, but only if we're taking the bus. And if I bring a bottle, its ALL MINE.

2nd sign

2010-04-04T23:38:00.000+08:00

of hysteria.

leen. says:
FTWW FTWW!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
im going to bring a squishy ball to throw at random classmates tomorrow
feel my wrath!
bounce bounce bounce

Su says:

.....

you had alot of coffee didn't you

The 1st sign would be watching True Blood.

Parenting

2010-03-27T13:58:00.000+08:00

A grave some
Flowers placed
Thank you for everything;
Fly down
Clear piss,
Thank you for everything else.

I need a break... but i'd rather have a breakthrough

2010-03-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

Daddy taught me how to fight
Working hard all his life
I started out as a teen
And I remember these things

Calloused hands Saturdays
You gotta fight to get your pay
And what I need I know
But I'm about to lose control

I need a break, but I'd rather have a breakthrough
I'm losing my sleep running after you
But still, I'd rather have a breakthrough
So I don't stop making moves
I need a break, but I'd rather have a breakthrough
I'm tripping on hurdles running after you
But I can see it right at my fingertips
Isn't it classic?

Mama said it's all right
If you cry if you lose a fight
Daddy said dry it up.
I'm proud of you not giving up.
I've been battling so many years,
and I've stood up to many fears.
So keep the faith, this I know,
but I'm about to lose control.

I need a break, but I'd rather have a breakthrough
I'm losing my sleep running after you
But still, I'd rather have a breakthrough
So I don't stop making moves
I need a break, but I'd rather have a breakthrough
I'm tripping on hurdles running after you
But I can see it right at my fingertips
Isn't it classic?

I don't know anymore.
What am I waiting for?
I know, I know I'm giving it all I have.
I want, I want to give up so bad.
How come I keep on running?
But I feel it coming,
I feel it coming on.

I need a break, but I'd rather have a breakthrough
I'm losing my sleep running after you
But still, I'd rather have a breakthrough
So I don't stop making moves
I need a break, but I'd rather have a breakthrough
I'm tripping on hurdles running after you
But I can see it right at my fingertips
Isn't it classic?

I need to catch a break.
Yeah, I hope I catch a break.

There's a reason to celebrate every month.

2010-01-21T02:38:00.000+08:00

When it's late at night and I can't sleep, and you're out somewhere, I catch an episode of my favourite TV show. Because the loading crawls by, sleepy caterpillars. I wait. While I do that, I listen to the songs in your dropbox, they sound like an extension of you. Because it's cold, my duvet keeps me warm instead of your arms, but it's close enough.

And really, I'm content enough.

This anger

2010-01-16T14:14:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought I had lost all vindiction towards my uncle, time and time again he pisses me off by taking advantage of my dad. It was okay when my dad had to drive all the way to Jempol, Negeri Sembilan, on kampung roads that bore no headlights, shrouded in mist, also known for some notorious animal-road-crossings. In those roads, kerbau, and sometimes a lone elephant are known to cross those narrow roads at night. Nevermind that my dad was out from 9pm to 5am the next morning, leaving us worried sick. After all, they had been in a terrible accident.

Every twice a week, my dad would travel to Hospital Tuanku Jaafar, more often with me, sometimes with our family. We took care of them there, but so did their neighbours, and that was good.

My grandmother lamented and cried, and became emotional, very OTT, and wanted to give him money. But my dad foresaw some banking complications (forgot the details) so he decided to take out RM5000 for his opportunistic brother. And guess what? He just took the money! Nevermind that my dad is retired and has no income, as opposed to himself. No, what does that good-for-nothing asshole care for? Besides his family, and religion.

He was even reluctant to allow his Teluk Intan relatives (I say 'he' because he knows them better than I do) to visit him in the hospital because it would look weird to all his Malay friends and neighbours. He's a Chinese-Malay-wannabe, yes he is. How absolutely ungrateful.

Not only that, but we helped him run his class in my neighbourhood, I collected the money every week and passed it to him. If the accounts came out short, there was hell to be heard. But if there was an excess in cash, that was okay. Being slightly the perfectionist, especially when it comes to responsibility, I found his moral conduct sorely lacking.

Every Saturday now, my dad has to fetch their whole family to Sunway Medical Center, then to my place where my uncle has now assumed his rightful place in the dojang (Taekwondo training center). I usually confine myself to my room, because I can have nothing good to say to him, though I like his wife and children (okay, just the youngest. The second son is an asshole, he'll grow up to be just like his dad, and the eldest I think is starting to veer off in the wrong direction, if only slightly) and anyone who's been to my house will know that it can get uncomfortable with too many people. Especially when there are kids around, they take up the whole living room. Now that it's exam period, and I'm stressed about everything. I just feel like telling them to 'Fuck off'.

It has never been more difficult to follow Jesus' teachings, and I feel so guilty that this anger is inside of me. But I cannot get rid of it, at least not for now. I can pray for God to take away this hate, but am I truly honest in my asking? I don't know, I just don't know. But I do pray for His guidance, that I may not act in a rash manner, that I will not hurt their feelings, and I don't. I as polite as I can be. But that doesn't make me any more honest. And I am sorry for that.

Matthew 5:43-48 43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shall love thy neighbor, and hate your enemy. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? 48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (KJV)

The Post-It Syndrome

2010-01-06T18:03:00.000+08:00

As it so happens, I also came across the Post-It syndrome in 'i'm neurotic (so are you)'. No wonder Vi-Jean does this.

I thought it was an awesome way to organise (read: digress) my studying.

My sisterly obligation involves getting Andrew to read. And I can't think of a better book. But he can't bear to read any two subsequent open pages if they don't have pictures. That's where I come in.

oops, twas the holidays, and I didn't study!

2010-01-04T14:04:00.000+08:00

It's been a long holiday, for 3 nights in a row from Christmas Eve, I was out with family, 2 out of 3 of them were spent enjoying certain alholic beverages, and no, I didn't get drunk.

Suckers.

But I highly recommend white wine and rambutans, eaten slowly and sparringly, not gorged down please.

As long as there are rambutans, I shall continue drinking.

Then on the 2nd Jan, we celebrated Vi-Jean's 19th birthday at Shangri'La's Lemon Garden. Many thanks to Amirah and Aunty Nina for a walloping good time ;) Picture's in facebook.
The same evening, my family and I went over to my cousin's place for a poolside bbq. I found out that I was a cousin-in-law, and aunt-to-be. 7 months to go! Just imagine, Andrew, 9 this year, is going to be an uncle. Strange.

And today, I finally got a new camera. A Canon Digital Ixus 200 IS to replace my old, dingy, no-anti-shake and lousy-flashing (haha) Nikon Coolpix.

Finally.

Parents, Grandparents, and Super Grannies

2009-12-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

I have a theory to share, but I'm sure it's not original and has been mentioned somewhere, by somebody, before.

Parents, never make good parents.

They experiment with parenting methods with their kids. For their first, they could alternate between sweet and harsh; their second, with punishment; their third, sweetness. Just to see whichever works.

Which is why parents never make good parents.

It is only once they have experimented and tabulated the data both consciously and subconsciously over the years, that they learn to become better parents.

Which is why grandparents are the best parents.

They shower their grandchildren with affection that they do not bestow so readily on their own kids, because they are still figuring out how. They also bestow infinite wisdom and lessons-of-life.

Which reminds me of another theory I came across, and I think it's proven. That grandmothers are necessary. Never underestimate the nurturing power of the grandmother. Don't you think your grandmothers seem to understand you better than your actual parents? They do. Grandma's play an important role in shaping children.

Think of the usual scenario: parents go to work, and the grandmother, and sometimes grandfather as well, take care of the younger ones for a few hours, playing substitute parents. This behavior is also apparent in apes, as the grandma apes look after the young while mom ape and daddy ape go foraging for food. Little apes without grandma apes grow up to be less coordinated, and tend to be withdrawn.

Go grannies!

Brownie?

2009-12-04T21:58:00.000+08:00

First brownie attempt.

Too little self-raising flour. The result is a half-biscuit half-brownie. The topping sauce is awesome though.

So awesome, that my kakak took the extra, and stowed it in the fridge to be eaten with bread for her breakfast.

USS New York

2009-12-02T17:16:00.000+08:00

dead beasts should be left to lie dead in the ground

to become worm infested and forgotten

but no, they had to pick on its charred remains

to melt, forge, to give it wings and maybe a million claws.

Underneath the bullshit of national pride

Set sail from the greatest city in the world

Setting sail full course to hell and damnation.

Natural selection twisted the steel of

Yesterday, into tomorrow's armagged-.

Get a load of this piece of crap.

Americans I tell you... Can [unleash your creativity]

Tesco and eyebrows

2009-11-28T23:05:00.000+08:00

ActionAid claims that Tesco is threatening producers, namely farmers in order to buy their produce at low prices. Tesco says no. I see a slip here. Do you?

ActionAid state that they have received a complaint from a South African fruit farmer. The farmer suggests that Tesco uses de-listing as a negotiating tactic, by claiming that we could buy apples from another supermarket cheaper than the farmer’s prices.

Firstly either ActionAid has misquoted the farmer, or there is a misunderstanding since we do not buy apples from other supermarkets as he seems to suggest. It is difficult for us to investigate such a claim without the full details. We suggest ActionAid makes more details available to us, at which point we would be happy to investigate the circumstances.

To me, ActionAid says that the farmer says that Tesco says that they could buy apples from another supermarket cheaper than the farmer's prices. Not that they did. Tesco's defensive reply definitely raises an eyebrow.

Shame on thee, Tesco!! Not that I have anything against Sarah Hughe's husband, who is the CEO of Tesco Malaysia or something. I'm sure he's doing a wonderful job. It's the whole anti-establishment and eyebrow slant today.

Epic Battle

2009-11-04T03:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I saw a teenager dressed as a devil jump out to try and scare a kid dressed as a priest. Without skipping a beat, the priest smacked the devil with his bible, then chased him around screaming, "The power of Christ compels you!" MLIA

Best time-wasting website ever. http://mylifeisaverage.com

Thanks Su!

2009-10-25T22:28:00.000+08:00

There you go again, travelling back in time.

I cannot be a guy

2009-10-16T13:23:00.000+08:00

It is one of those days
When I don't feel like doing much
But sit in front of the computer
Stoning

When I logged into Facebook
I decided to try
A quiz with the title
How big is your package?
[boys]

Then I realised, I could not
Because knowing not
What was 'wank'
Or how often my penis pops out
of my underwear

I have no idea how long it would take
For me to cum
5 secs, 20 mins, or 4 days

The only one I did know,
Was how many times a day
Meat I ate...
And then I realised
that I cannot be a guy.

From little to no sense, but it feels so good.

2009-10-11T00:21:00.000+08:00

What if the person you grew up loving and respecting is suddenly thrown into a new light? Suddenly, they’re not so perfect, so flawed, so disagreeable. What do you do then? Do you shun them, abhorring them like you should be? Or continue to kowtow to them, just like you’ve always done, simply because they deserved your respect?

If that person wasn’t my mother, my father, my uncle, my grandmother, my sir... I would spit on their faces sometimes.

It is 12.06 a.m. as I write this rant. I have been out since 8 a.m. the previous day, serving people at college, going to Taekwondo to handle administration, then off to dance. And when I come back, I’m still sorting out Taekwondo admin stuff. Why? Because my collection before I left tallied perfectly, while the ones that were done after, didn’t.

Incompetent asshole.

And you have the nerve to tell me ‘Thank you Aileen... Goodnight’ in your little lilting sarcasm laced voice? Like what? I’m trying to challenge you? So go on living in your little great world where everything you do is right and ignoring criticism is awesome. Why did I ever bother listening to your preaching?

Melayu.

Yeah, when I’m angry, I’m a racist. Whatever man. I’m an angry angsty teenager, so sue me.

The most useful thing I learnt today.

2009-10-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

What's the difference between an oxymoron, a paradox, a juxtaposition, and an antithesis?

Nothing.
They all mean the same.

Pulling it all together

2009-10-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

Hey folks, Aileen is back in the blogspot-blogosphere. Wordpress is a pain, unless you're willing to pay for premiums. That's so American. American's and their premiums...

So now, it's time to browse around for the perfect layout, if ever such exists, because I have no time to design one myself. Aren't I wasting time surfing the net for a layout then? Well, I believe we all suffer from selective emotion judgements. Though we are debating conciously about an issue, it all boils down to what we feel about it. Or was it only for women? The debate, selective emotional or not, continues.

Things Aileen has to do to pull it all together :
1. Literature coursework-creative essay
2. Modify personal statement
3. Bug Mr Low for my internship confirmation
4. C3 homework, revise previous test
5. Stats 1 homework
6. Study for physics test
7. Sports Fiesta report
8. Practice for dance performance at Parkroyal
8. Hang lanterns for Mr Sam (...?!)

On another issue, this blog will look like a mess, because I'm still deliberating on the layout, and moving everyone in here.

How's that look for next week? Bad. I shall lose hair.